Yes, 2-year-olds are capable of empathy—here’s how to encourage the essential skill

Young children are naturally egocentric. This is a normal part of development: children first see the world through their own eyes before they can see it through someone else’s. At around age two, children often believe that others think and feel the exact same way that they do.

As parents and caregivers, we all want our children to eventually think beyond their own experience. We want them to be kind. A critical piece of that kindness is empathy, which is the ability to understand, share, and connect to the feelings of someone else.

Here are some ways to help your 2-year-old learn to feel and express empathy:

Read books and talk about characters’ emotions

Reading to your child introduces them to experiences that are both familiar—like falling down and getting hurt at a park—and unfamiliar. Relatable experiences allow them to connect with a character and feel the emotions alongside them, while new experiences are a window into emotions they may not have felt yet. Research shows children are more likely to help and comfort others when their parents talk about emotions while reading stories.

As you read books together, you can talk about the characters’ feelings and connect them to your child’s experiences:

• “Max looks like he really got hurt there. What would you do if you were there at the park with him? How could we make him feel better?”
• “Bea is afraid of getting a shot from the doctor. Have you ever felt afraid of something? How does your face look when you’re scared?”
• “Graham is really excited that his friends are coming over to celebrate his birthday. Let’s talk about your birthday, it’s only 9 months away 😉. Are you feeling excited about it?” 
• “Look, the girl in Now That I’m Three dropped her plate on the floor, and it was really surprising. Let’s make a surprised face together.”

Reframe apologies

When your child hurts someone else, it’s natural to insist on an apology—but the words “I’m sorry” don’t hold meaning for them at this age. Instead, try to help your child tune in to the other child’s emotional experience. “Seb looks sad. He’s crying and rubbing his knee. Let’s check in with him and see what we can do.” 

Your child might be overwhelmed or embarrassed in the moment. Most likely, they didn’t expect to hurt another child’s body or feelings—they were simply acting from their own perspective and needs. Acknowledge your child’s feelings, too. “I know you didn’t want to make him sad. Let’s see if we can help him together.” Then model an empathetic response. “I’m so sorry that happened, Seb. Can I help you? Would you like help up?”

Help your child understand their feelings

A 2018 study found that children capable of regulating their own emotions—particularly negative ones—have more capacity to show sympathy. In other words, it’s much easier to be kind and empathetic when you understand and process your own feelings first. Here are a few things you can try:

• Label your child’s intense feelings. Describing what you see when your child is upset can give them more tools for the next time: “You don’t want to leave the park and I can see you’re really sad and angry to have to stop playing. I understand.” For more examples on how to do this, read this article about naming your toddler’s emotions.
• Speak from the “I” perspective. When you speak through your own lens, it helps your child understand that you each have different experiences and emotions: “You’re having fun with the pots and pans right now, but you’re banging them together really hard and I don’t like that sound.” Encourage them to do the same by giving them ways to express themselves: “I didn’t like it when…” or “I’m sad because…”
• Praise their positive actions. When your child goes out of their way to show kindness toward someone else, point it out: “I noticed that you brought Marco his special bear when he was so sad. That really showed that you care about him—I could see that you helped him feel better.”

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Learn more about the research

Brownell, C. A., Svetlova, M., Anderson, R., Nichols, S. R., & Drummond, J. (2013). Socialization of early prosocial behavior: Parents’ talk about emotions is associated with sharing and helping in toddlers. Infancy, 18(1), 91-119.

Song, J. H., Colasante, T., & Malti, T. (2018). Helping yourself helps others: Linking children’s emotion regulation to prosocial behavior through sympathy and trust. Emotion, 18(4), 518.

Svetlova, M., Nichols, S. R., & Brownell, C. A. (2010). Toddlers’ prosocial behavior: From instrumental to empathic to altruistic helping. Child development, 81(6), 1814-1827.