What to do when your child hits someone else

According to a Lovevery poll, 83 percent of parents say their child has hit, kicked, or bit them, and about 60 percent said their toddler had hit, kicked, or bit someone else.

It’s important to know that hitting isn’t a reflection of a child’s character at this early stage. Many young children do it because they can’t yet regulate their emotions or explain how they feel. 

Your child will need guidance and a lot of practise to develop the emotional skills to prevent hitting. Here are a few ways to help them learn.

Set a clear boundary about hitting

Clear boundaries can help children understand what’s expected and keep them from hurting themselves and others. You can firmly and calmly state the boundary by saying something like: “I can understand why you’re so upset, but I won’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.” You may also gently hold your child’s hands to prevent them from continuing to hit.

Help them name their emotions

Naming their emotions helps children understand the “what” and “why” of their overwhelming feelings: “You were mad because Anna took your toy? Is that what happened?”

The Emotion Match Mirror & Cards Set from The Enthusiast Play Kit can be a helpful tool for showing your child what “mad”  looks like. Over time, they’ll learn to communicate their emotions with words rather than hitting.

Suggest alternative actions

Help your child understand what they can do, not just what they can’t do, when they’re upset. Offer ideas for specific words and actions: “Next time, if someone tries to take your toy, you can use words like, ‘Stop’ or ‘No,’ instead of hitting. You can also ask me for help.”

Avoid taking sides

It’s natural to want to assign blame or only comfort the child who was hit. But try to stay neutral and focus on helping both children calm down. If your child was the hitter, they may be feeling angry or frustrated. You can offer them a big bear hug and give them words to express their feelings.

Check on the child who was hit

After your child has calmed down, encourage them to go with you to check on their friend. Although young children can’t yet completely understand the feelings of others, the process of discussing how another person feels can help them begin to make these connections. Encouraging your child to make amends may also help repair the relationship—so they can both move forward feeling a little bit better.

Stage-Based Guidance

Kicking, biting, and hitting: Here’s what to know about understanding and responding to your toddler when big emotions come out in physical reactions.

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